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donderdag 11 oktober 2012

Being a controlefreak

Hey loves,
today i'm writing about something a bit different,
it is something I am always been and I think the biggest reason for my stress.
It's being a control freak.
As you know I am in Rome studying Italian, but as you may know as well the most important thing I have to learn here is to get to know myself,  to build up my self confidence,
 to learn how to be independent...
AND letting go my control "issues'.
Learning the language was just a plus.

About a week a go a friend told me we we are getting a certificate at the end of our stay if we attend 80% of the classes, and I am already stressing because of that.
It is so most important for me to be able to make my own decisions, and not doing what everybody is doing. If nobody had told me about this certificate I wouldn't even be in this position.

I want to learn to do everything my way ( like Frank Sinatra haha),
not following the crowd for a certificate and stressing myself about it.
Of course I attend my classes, but I missed some as well and that's when the stress comes in!
For example I didn't sleep well because I've been thinking about that certificate all night and now I've woking up to late.. My dear friend stress is back again.

It has always been like that, I never had any bad grades at school or I never was in "danger" for passing my year and still I worked my butt off like a crazy person, cried long nights and had panic attacks for nothing.
If I just believe in myself and do what I want to do and have to do, I'm going to get there,
get where I have to be..
Because I did it my way.

Maybe it's time for me to let all my boundaries go,
sometimes I think I have to experience being the only one not getting the certificate to see that after that
life still goes on, and it's beautiful with or without that damn certificate.

Xoxo Aviva

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